French President Emmanuel Macron went to Vietnam to ink some large offers – like a €9 billion Airbus order, which was presupposed to be the centerpiece of the journey.

However earlier than he may even set foot on Vietnamese soil, because the airplane’s hatch opened, his spouse Brigitte was caught on digicam doing what can solely be described as a vertical push-up proper on Macron’s face.

At first look, it seemed like maybe she was simply making an attempt to set the vibe for the go to, with a reenactment of what occurred to the French the final time they received just a little too assured in Vietnam. In any case, out of the blue this picture of the presidential couple had everybody zooming in prefer it was a misplaced Da Vinci.

Cue the Elysee’s harm management. First: It’s a deepfake. Then: The Russians did it. And eventually: Okay fantastic, it’s actual, however it’s simply two individuals “decompressing.” Let the one amongst us who’s by no means “unwound” by shoving our partner within the face forged the primary baguette.

Closing reply? Apparently so. A second of complicity between longtime companions. Like a secret handshake. To the face. By the way in which, do the Elysee flaks themselves additionally rely as conspiracy theorists? They’re those who cycled by way of each potential scapegoat wanting blaming local weather change – till they realized the People had the uncooked footage too.

In fact this slapstick second didn’t make it into the shiny PR reel, which additionally featured Macron and his spouse descending from the presidential airplane. He appeared to gallantly provide her an arm as they deplaned – which she promptly ignored. His different hand fashioned a fist. For whom? Who is aware of. However France ought to in all probability duck.

“France is an influence of peace and steadiness,” Macron wrote above the promotional video on X. it will have been a tough promote posting that immediately above a video that begins with him catching a few “peaceable” palms straight to the jaw.

“When some select to withdraw, France chooses to construct bridges,” he added. Certain, however it sort of seemed such as you withdrew to the opposite aspect of the cabin, my man.

Bizarre? Properly, possibly to the peasants. However apparently, it’s fully regular for the presidential couple to throw fingers each time somebody cracks a joke. “It’s not even a slap…it’s a gesture that mimics a punch within the face. We’ve seen this sketch 100 instances, it’s their means of decompressing earlier than official performances,” defined a supply described by Le Parisien as “near” Macron. So, their opening act for a present of diplomacy on the world stage is one thing that appears prefer it was cribbed from a Three Stooges sketch? Alrighty then.

Macron later expressed frustration with everybody making an attempt to decode what he insists is completely commonplace habits. “We’re teasing one another and having a little bit of enjoyable with my spouse. I’m stunned by this. It turns into a sort of… geoplanetary disaster the place some are even growing theories, and I see a number of loopy individuals spending their day explaining all these interpretations in movies,” Macron defined. “There are individuals who watched movies and assume that I shared a bag of cocaine, that I had a one-on-one with the Turkish president, and that proper now, I’m within the course of of getting a quarrel with my spouse. None of that is true, but these three movies are actual.”

Oh, yeah – the serviette on the prepare to Ukraine that some people mistook for a bag of cocaine. Possibly as a result of Macron’s face seemed a bit pink as he snatched it up when the media walked in. Nearly forgot about that one. Thanks for the reminder. Certainly, who hasn’t casually left a used Kleenex simply sitting in the course of the desk with other people. It’s a marvel that nobody has but speculated that Brigitte wasn’t simply making an attempt to present Macron one final hit of Kleenex earlier than he stepped out of the airplane. One for the highway, because it had been.

As for the “one-on-one” with Erdogan? That’s a stretch. Macron’s flattering himself. It was extra of a one-on-none. Erdogan held Macron’s finger like he was deciding on a baguette from a Parisian bakery. If dignity had been Kleenex, Macron would have struggled to blow his nostril on what was left – not to mention use it for his subsequent Kleenex Rorschach Check.

Sure, Macron technically got here to Vietnam to ink main protection and aerospace offers in an influence transfer to reassert France’s relevance within the Indo-Pacific, counterbalance China, and present that France can nonetheless punch above its weight (even with out Brigitte’s spontaneous contribution). However between the bungled PR, the conspiracy fodder, and Erdogan’s diplomatic wedgie, it’s exhausting to inform if Macron’s journeys are precise diplomacy – or reasonably simply episodes of actuality TV with a limiteless journey funds.